May 6 - Downswings

Maaaaannnnnnnnnnn
Theres nothing longer than a day when your supposed to play...but your on tilt so you cant.

I wasted my whole day today....watched t.v. - played some dota - etc
and all those activities sucked why? cuz im Tilting thats why.

Theres a Shitload of different ways to tilt....sometimes im bored so I just dont care about the tables, sometimes I get 4outed on the bubble of a tournament...sometimes I play vs one guy and he sucks out like 5 times in a row and I scream at my screen.

Today was different. I have played 6 days straight last week, about 10-11 k hands 4tabling and lost about 9 buy ins.....and today I played about 1 hour and lost about 3 buy ins at NL20euros.
My tilt? I feel like my mind is learning that no matter what happens im losing, and that learning is happenning no matter what my thinking side says. So im playing and everyhand that im being dealt, I feel like im gonna lose some money....Then all hell breaks loose - I am convinced that I never hit any sets, when I do everyone fold, Im not being dealt any cards...everyone c/r my bluffs perfectly and so on and so forth

Mind you nothing is different at the tables, but my mind is noticing some things more and more, while ignoring others - all that so my mind can be right ! its not me its the tables !

To me thats one of the worst mental states to be in...I cant read hands anymore cuz im too busy being hopeless, I cant pull big bluffs cuz I think they have it 100% and for some reason I call every fucking useless fucking draw I can...and the minute I do I realize that it was a horrible call...the cycle continues.

So I know what Ima do tomorow, I just dunno if its gonna work. Ima play 2 tables instead of 4 at NL20...and ima do my best to focus on "playing this hand the best way possible" and just try to keep my mind on that goal. Hopefully I can find my focus again.

oh and btw that swing took my br from 1050 to 630 now....however those 10 k hands, in RB is like 200 euros so really my br is at 830
one buy in at NL50 = ~37 euros so you know....im not that deep in the rabbit hole.

Im going to bed.